


Don't Leave Me

by emlou92



Category: Girls (TV), girls - Fandom
Genre: Adam x Jessa, F/M, what should have happened at the end of season 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-05 00:16:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13376076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emlou92/pseuds/emlou92
Summary: This is what I think should have happened for Adam and Jessa at the end of Season 6. The ending I think Jessa and Adam really deserved as opposed to what they gave us. :)All characters belong to Lena Dunham. Hope you enjoy!





	1. Emptiness

As she entered their apartment she felt the sadness beginning to overflow again. Tears pooled in her eyes as she felt herself stifling a sob. Jessa clutched her chest and slammed the door behind her; the poster on the wall rattled as the lock chain clashed against the door. The apartment was still then. Empty. _Fuck Hannah_. She sighed knowing that this wasn’t Hannah’s fault. Nothing was ever Hannah’s fault. _Hannah would vouch for that._

Her bag hit the ground with a thud, as she tried to ignore the contents that were spilling out: her old tattered wallet from Barcelona that Adam had insisted she replace but she refused, a handful of peppermints Adam had stolen from their favorite Italian restaurant around the block, and a blue danity braided friendship bracelet Adam had won her on their first “not a date” at the pier.  _Everything reminded her of Adam._

Jessa ran her hand over her neck. Where she had let than man touch her. Her skin was crawling at the thought of him. _I don’t want you_ , but she really meant, _I want Him_. What had almost happened was only a poor attempt to erase the pain of Adam leaving her. Sex had always worked before but now she couldn’t even bring herself to do it. Sex couldn’t fix  _this_  pain.

She walked slowly to the bathroom, pulling her hair lazily into a bun on top of her head. Hot tears streamed down her face. She reached into the shower turning the knob all the way to the left; the water was almost scalding. She shed her crochet top and cut offs and stepped into the hot steam behind the shower curtain. The water burned at first but then she felt nothing. Her skin was numb.

Her mind was racing, taking in the events of the day. _How did she get here? How did she let someone get so under her skin? She wasn’t supposed to feel like this. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her ex-best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Wasn’t that the plan from the beginning of her and Adam? No love, just fun. When had that changed? When had she fallen for him?_ Jessa scoffed. _Who was she kidding?_ She had been in love with him from the very beginning, _from before the beginning_. _Fuck Adam._ Fuck him for being so lovable. For understanding her struggles and helping her get through them. For making her feel passion again when she thought she never would. _Fuck him._

Her mind shifted to her and Adam’s conversation from that morning. How confused he looked. His lip trembling asking her to yell at him, to hit him, to do something to object to his decision. _Wanker!_ She stood there telling him it was fine but on the inside she was screaming.

“I love you,” she said out loud, “Please don’t do this.”

Jessa’s sobb's echoed, her back pressed against the cold shower tiles. Why could she say it now when he was gone, with Hannah, and not this morning when, maybe, she could have made him stay? She stayed there until the water ran cold; her skin was raw.

_How long had she been in there?_ It felt like time stood still. As if her life could not continue without _him_. She turned off the shower. Her cold fingers lingered on the faucet handle. Wrinkly little raisins. _That's what he would call them._ She sighed thinking about how she would need to start gathering her things. There was no way she could stay here permanently. She would have to find a new place to live; too many memories.

She exited the bathroom and walked down the hall to the bedroom. The moonlight lit up the white tangled bed sheets. It was later than she realized. _How long has she been alone here sulking?_ She grabbed her ratty gray sweatpants and an old tank top. Throwing them on quickly, eager to get out of that room, Replaying the last conversation they had in there.

_You’ve done nothing wrong._

_Fuck._ She cursed under her breath.

She grabbed her cigarettes from the kitchen table. Lighting it as she turned on the lamp by the door. Her eyes immediately fell on the familiar yellow couch before sitting on the hard kitchen chair instead. She thought about Adam’s “No Smoking in the Apartment Rule” and she took another drag. A small smile touched the corners of her lips. She closed her eyes, relishing in the taste of the tobacco on her tongue. Her mind wandered to him again. She wondered how things were going with Hannah. Surly it must have been going swimmingly considering he had been gone nearly the whole day.

_You’ve lost him to Hannah you fucking idiot! He chose her over you. NO. You pushed him away! He left because you had given him no reason to stay._

She stands pacing in front of the refrigerator. One hand grasping her cigarette and other balled in a fist, she analyzed the photos on the freezer door: A photo of Jessa, Ray and Adam on the couch after watching Adam on that crime show, a picture of Adam and Sample coupled with another of just Sample on her own, a candid shot of Jessa riding a bicycle in front of the Eiffel Tower (it was his favorite picture of her), and a photobooth strip of just the two of them. She took the last one down off the fridge, tossing it onto the table face down. She would pack it away for herself to look at when it didn’t hurt so much. _When she didn’t love him anymore._

She put her cigarette butt out in an old soda can, reaching for the pack again to lite up another. A loud buzzing sound came from the floor by the door;her vision honed in on her purse. She froze knowing that someone was calling her. Whoever it was was going to be disappointed. There was no way she was picking up the phone for anyone right now.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

It stopped ringing. Her head dropped and she began to turn on her heel ready to divert her attention to something else. The phone buzzed again. Her breath caught in her throat. People didn’t usually call her twice in a row. _She wasn’t that important._ Maybe she should answer it? What if something had happened to him? Maybe he had gotten hit by a truck (again)? She hated that she immediately worried about him considering their situation. Any normal woman would be wishing harm on a lover who left them.

She decided she should probably at least check who it is.

_No harm in that._

Her feet carried her to the tipped over purse, lifting it up as she rummaged for her cell. She dropped the bag immediately when she saw the name lit up across the screen.

_Adam._

Her thumb hovered over the answer key before she pressed it.

_Fuck You Jessa._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**“Hello?”**

**“Come to the window?”**

**“If I buzz will you let me in?” He gazed up at her searching her eyes forgiveness. His heart thudded loudly in his chest. She hesitated for only a moment before she answered dryly.**

**“Yeah.”**


	2. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the delay in posting of this chapter. I was blocked and then once I didn't finally write it I re-wrote it and then... well you know how it goes. Happy Reading!

**“Hello?”**

**“Come to the window?”**

**“If I buzz will you let me in?” He gazed up at her searching her eyes forgiveness. His heart thudded loudly in his chest. She hesitated for only a moment before she answered dryly.**

**“Yeah.”**

Her palms were sweating. Her lips tasted like salt from the tears. She turned from the window as he slid his phone into his back pocket. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.  _ What the hell was wrong with her? He was probably just here to end things properly.  _ She swallowed back the bitter taste in her mouth, fighting the urge to vomit again today. 

The doorbell buzzed and she hit the button allowing him to come in the building. She would only have a few moments until he would be walking through the door  _ and then eventually walking out.  _ The door was still unlocked from when she had had gotten home earlier. She hadn’t bothered locking it; she could care less about her privacy. Her heart was racing. She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand; she probably looked like a bloody nightmare.

She sank down into the couch and lit the second cigarette. She heard his heavy footsteps get to their floor and make their way to the apartment. She took another drag to calm her nerves. The knob turned, the door opened, and there he was.  _ God, why did he have to be so damn good looking?  _ Jessa diverted her attention; she stared at the wall. 

He shut the door behind him and locked it.  _ Why bother?  _ He stood there with his back to her for a moment before he turned on his heel and slowly walked towards her. 

“I thought we agreed on not smoking in here?”  He shoved his hands in his pockets; it was something he only did when he was nervous. She could feel his eyes on her, burning holes in her. 

“I figured you wouldn’t be back here anytime soon. So I thought, ‘Fuck It,’ might as well,” she paused and took another drag of her cigarette. She drummed her fingers along her thigh and stole a quick glance at Adam. He was still staring and she shivered. “Why are you here Adam?” He took in a sharp breath and finally stopped staring at her. He stared at his feet, teetering between his toes and his heels. He stayed quiet. She uncrossed her legs and rested her feet on the hardwood floor.  _ Well?  _ “Adam? Why the fuck are you here?” A tear rolled down her cheek; her hands were shaking. She dropped the still burning cigarette in the ashtray. She followed suit and stared at her feet.  _ Idiot.  _ He took a few steps and keeled before her on the floor. She didn’t look up. She couldn’t look up and face him. 

“Jessa. Jessa please look at me.” Jessa swallowed hard and closed her eyes, refusing to look up at him.  “Fuck. Jessa. Please,” he lifted her chin up, their faces were only inches apart. His eyes darted from her eyes to her lips. 

“What do you want Adam,” her voice broke as she asked him again. His eyes were searching his for answers. This morning he was leaving her to try and figure things out with Hannah and now he was here infront of her on his knees cradling her head between his hands. 

In an instant his lips were on hers and for a moment she surrendered to him; like she always did. Her hands were in his hair pulling him closer, taking him in. His lips moved against hers with a want he only experienced with one person. A second later she was shoving him off. “Stop that! You can’t do that! You love Hannah! You chose Hannah!” She stood up and left him kneeling on the floor in front of the couch. He looked so defeated. 

“You.” He spoke with such certainty. 

“What?” She stood across the room from him. 

“You asked me what I want Jessa. And what I want… is you. I want you Jessa.” Jessa stepped back and crossed her arms across her chest in disbelief. She cocked her head to the side and smiled and he knew she was about to let him have it.

“So I take it that it didn’t go well with Hannah then?” 

“This has nothing to do with Hannah…” 

“Oh you must be shitting me Adam! This has everything to do with Hannah! Everything is always about Hannah.” She grabbed an empty glass from the table and went to the faucet to fill it. The water shook in the glass as she brought it to her lips. “You know,” she paused, “today was probably the worst fucking day of my life. I thought I could go back to being the old me,” she took a giant gulp of water before slamming the glass on the table. It cracked. “There was a man.” Adam shifted so that he was now standing; he was watching her again.  _ Was he… jealous?   _ “I wanted to forget, but… I couldn’t do it.” She was shivering; her skin was covered in goosebumps. He closed the gap between them, placing his hands on her shoulders. She pushed him off again. “Don’t Adam. I’ll never get over you if you keep it up,” she sniffled as she made her way to the window sill. “You can’t touch me anymore.”

“Jessa,” he licked his lips and fiddled his thumbs together. “I don’t want you to ever be over me.” He was speaking to her turned back now but he could still see her visibly tense at his words. He gazed as her hand came to rest on the nape of her neck; she squeezed her shoulder with her red polished fingernails.  “Jessa, please just hear me out. We need to talk.” He spoke calmly and so  _ un-Adam-like _ . Jessa stayed quiet but turned towards Adam who was still staring at her intensely. She hugged her arms around her frame and nodded for him to go on.  _ She may regret this later but as much as she tried she would never deny this man anything he wanted. Her heart wouldn’t let her.  _

He gestured with his eyes for her to sit on the couch; he sat beside her. _Without touching her._ _He wasn’t going to invade her space again unless she let him. She said no touching._ He sat quietly staring at Jessa’s tear stained cheeks for a second too long.

“Well?” She aggressively wiped her face of the most recent tears that had graced her cheeks. “On with it,” her words were sharp. He could feel the pain in her words. He breathed in slowly. 

“ Jess, when I left morning I’ll admit I was ready to try and make things work with Hannah because I care about her. I never stopped caring about her despite all the shit she put me through.” Jessa dug her fingernails into her sides. She couldn’t blame Adam for feeling that way about the tornado that was Hannah; she felt the exact same way. As crazy as she was they both loved her. Jessa stared at the wall as he continued. “We spent the whole day together. And for a minute… it felt like… like old times. But…” he paused running his hand through his untamed hair. He was calculating his next words carefully. Jessa eyes focused on him. “ The more time I spent with Hannah today, the more time I felt myself wondering if I was doing the right thing because all I could think about while I was with Hannah…. Was you.” His eyes connected with hers and a fresh set of tears fell. “Today, I told Hannah I loved her and that I would always be there for her and her baby if she needed me but I also told her that whatever was once between her and I was over now. That I couldn’t be that person for her anymore because I fell in love with someone else.” Jessa couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  _ Was this some sort of joke? Could he really want her like that?  _ She opened her mouth to speak but no words came. “Please, just let me finish.”  She nodded, slowly. She clasped her hands in her lap. Her heart was racing.  _ Was this really happening?  _ “After I left Hannah’s I went and sat on a bench at the pier for a few hours to think about how I was going to tell you all this after the way we left things this morning.” She noticed that his eyes were glistening now too. “I thought about how I don’t fucking deserve you. And about how I will never be worthy of you after what I’ve put you through,’ he sniffled.  _ He was crying and professing his love for her.  _ “What I’m trying to say Jessa is that…. Today was the worst day of my life too… but in a way it was the best day because I realized how I truly feel about you.” Adam’s eyes burned into hers. 

“I know that at this point you’ve probably written me off and I deserve that. But I couldn’t stop myself from coming here tonight to tell you that I want to be with you. For real. No more bullshit. No more hiding our feelings behind Hannah. Just you and me. Jamming at concerts. Working on art projects. Having some fucking awesome kids with you for a mom. I want everything with you.” He held out his hand to her, his eyes searching hers for answers. Jessa looked at him dumbfounded.  _ She had forgotten how to speak. This imperfect man who she thought might be her soulmate wanted to be with her. She didn’t know what to say.  _ The pause grew longer and Adam lowered his hand. He looked defeated. “I understand this must be a lot for you. And you must think I’m completely insane for even thinking this had a chance to work but I just had to try. I’ll leave you alone now.” 

He stood up and without hesitation Jessa reached for his hand. 

“Don’t,” her voice cracked. 

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t ever leave me alone,” she gazed up at him. She smiled softly as she stood so that they were standing almost chest to chest, his large hand clutched between her two smaller ones. “I may not be ready to forgive you for this mis-step but I would be lying if I didn’t tell you I love you too Adam. I have for a long time.” He brought his hand up to stroke her hair and she leaned into his touch. 

“Just to be extremely clear I’m sorry for everything I put you through today. And for every other shitty thing I’ve ever done.” They were both crying now. Adam laughed.

“We’re a fucking mess.” 

“Worse than a dead you and a pregnant me headed to the border?” He smiled tugging his trapped hand from hers so he could hug her closely. 

“Maybe not that much of a mess,” he paused as a mischievous grin replaced his smile. “So.... is it time for the make-up sex now?” He wiggled his eyebrows. She couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“How bout this? Tomorrow we have room shaking, crazy, wild  **Make- It-Up-to-Jessa Sex** . But tonight maybe you could just hold me and tell me that you love me?” She smiled devilishly at him. 

“I like that plan,” he pulled her closer. “I love you Jessa.” She stood on her tip toes and pecked his waiting lips. This was right where she was supposed to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to thank anyone who might read this. I plan to make this into 3-5 parts depending on how many actually read it and how creative i'm feeling :) 
> 
> Feel free to comment and feedback or critiques! I haven't written anything in quite a while so hopefully this isn't shit :)
> 
> Happy Reading!


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